discover normal

Well to start off this piece i have to state categorically that i don’t believe there is any set of criteria that any group of human beings can fit into which would describe them all as normal.

Normal implies something ordinary, something regular, average or typical, something that is the opposite of abnormal(whatever that is).  To be normal you have to fit into prescribed codes of behavior and follow common standards of doing things.  i don’t think any one of us follows a sharply defined life style that would categorize us as normal.

i have friends that do all sorts of things that are outside the bounds of normal(whatever that is), but are natural and normal to them.  One friend feels it is normal for him to watch  a particular football team no matter what else is going on around him.  Another thinks exercising to the point of physical pain is normal.  Another friend thinks it is normal to work a million hours a day even though they don’t have to.  A lot of us think it is normal to accumulate a whole houseful of goods that we then have to pay for to maintain and store. 

All of us living on St. Croix think it is normal to drive on the left, but our visitors don’t.

All of us living on St. Croix think it is normal to feel chilled in seventy degree weather but our visitors don’t.

Normal is collecting water off our roofs and using it for all our needs but that’s not normal in other parts of the world or even here on the island where some have potable water.

What is normal to us personally may be abnormal to our family, friends and visitors.   

So what is really normal? 

The use of the term normal is ambiguous; it can have positive and negative aspects and yet we all use it in our daily speech as if there is some underlying understanding that we all get.  We all think we are part of some "normal" group that are all going about their lives in a similar "normal" manner.  

Well, we all get it(normal), as long as we don’t think about it. We think we know what "normal" is but when we actually start comparing ourselves with others we realize quickly that we have no bloody idea what "normal" is, because none of us do anything the same way.

The common aspects all over the world are the need for food, shelter and nurturing, beyond that there is nothing common or "normal."

One friend of mine thinks normal has to do with looking backwards and not forwards.  He sees it as a major problem and a primary block to just living.   

Not a one of us is “normal.”  Got that?

We do things that we think make us normal, but none of us really understand that “normal” is not possible.  The way we live our lives is normal for us alone but not for anyone else, and it might not even be normal for our partners whose normal is different than ours.

Partnerships, friendships and family life is where this all plays out.  Expectations for certain behaviors create tension when those expectations go unmet.  It’s an unusual person that can recognize this and mold themselves to others requirements.  The easiest way to live in this world is to just accept everyone for who they are not any lofty expectation for how they should behave or live their lives.  If they don't get it in social circumstances well then they don't get it but it doesn't make them abnormal.

All of us follow our own set of patterns that have helped us navigate the world as we know it, only as we know it.  Steering our way through life doesn’t make us “normal” it makes us adaptable.   We adapt to the daily events that confront us, we mold ourselves to negotiate those tasks and daily interactions with as little stress as possible.

So where is all this going?  Its simple... pinch yourself the next time you are considering why some family member, friend or acquaintance hasn’t acted the way you had expected.  Remember, for all of us, that they are not normal and neither are you.